#790 Detachment

I don't feel I belong here anymore. The thread representing the relationship I have with my mother, father and sister seems to have snapped. I have absolutely no attachment to them anymore. I love my mother, because she's been there for me, but apart from that, she hasn't reached out to me. If I died tomorrow, no one in this house would actually be able to say that they actually knew me.

It makes me feel so lost, so directionless. Everyday I'm fighting a war in my head. I might appear calm and collected on the outside, but its all a facade. My desire for wanderlust has consumed my being, and I feel the need to travel to find the part of myself that has left. A journey of self-discovery is what I really need.

I'm sick of living life like this. Even if it wasn't for my boyfriend migrating to Canada, I feel I'm probably going to move out anyway. I've always found it a little strange how I sometimes like to go about my everyday activities all by myself, without anyone on my back passing judgment at every little thing I do. Free of comparison, of condescend.

Perhaps its the society I live in; I just don't think life is all about slogging and working hard in school, only to attain a job in the future with the same amount of stress. Call me crazy, but I really feel as though life is about finding yourself, appreciating life, paying attention to the people you love, and bringing yourself closer to God.

I want to leave this place.

xoxo,

Hanna B.